oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
