you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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