I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you told grandpa to call you daddy
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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