Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
