I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
