I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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