Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
