im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
