A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
