none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
