and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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