capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
