Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Randomize
