What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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