btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
where are my eyebrows?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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