Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
