fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
