You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
