I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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