Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
