my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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