you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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