Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
