The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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