i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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