he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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