Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
