Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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