I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I could make wine with my vomit
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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