I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
