Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Banned from zoo.
Again?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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