How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
