Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
