Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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