every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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