Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
