Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
