Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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