I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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