your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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