I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
