i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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