All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
