Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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