I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
