Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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