I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
