6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
