We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
