im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
