I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
