We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
