clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
