flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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