Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
