i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm always down for nudity.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
