just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
