there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
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