Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
