Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
